Hmmm ... sometimes I am like this !!!

Hmmm ... I just am going through the same kinda feeling that I went through not many days ago ... a little bit ill, weary, easily tired, running nose , aching body parts , heavy head and a restless mind ... whats worse among the above said ailments is certainly the last ... and its been my favourite since my school days . Somehow I always succumbed to that trait , I guess its in my veins , strongly placed and structured... anyways I know my body mechanism well enough , few days from now ... I would be fine again... yes... coming to My Job , somethings not right about what s going on now ... First Quarter was good , in fact am being modest it was better than just good! But certainly not the HUGE HIT am planning before the year ends... second quarter is on ... first month , am going like how many would ... slow , cautious , depending on the same formulae and tricks... in sales most of the times , its how well u recognize ur so called major 'contributors' of growth and how well u 'handle' them to get u 'home' . I guess a little effort here and a smart working on the numbers there would see me off to a second quarter victory. But ...something , something ... is trying to get into mind...I still can't 'hear' what its tryna say ... somthing that wants me to be way better than what am now ... this is not me ... certainly not ... I never , as a school going kid or as a grad, was satisfied or went home by just doing what everyone did to finish the day off ... I always had a way of being different and creative ... never was the routine guy , never the common types , and never ever the usual formula follower ...'cos that did not make me happy or satisfiied , I just could not follow what others did ... call it my egotistic nature or my unusually self - proclaimed mentality about someone being different from the normal folk .... I still remember , back in my Mba , when we were asked to try and make an ad about a new product to be introduced into the market , everyone else went for a toothpaste , a fruit juice or something that can be bought with 10 bucks with ease ... and guess what me and my team went for ....a bloody hot fcukinggggggg damn convertible car , a two seater ... and wait for the surprise ...it wud run on just Solar Power !!! Hmmm ... sometimes just sometimes , dreams do need to have a limit !!! But thats the part about school ... there is no fear , no mental block , no doubt ... just freedom , freedom to express the thoughts and feelings ... as we gain intelligence we are 'chased' by fear, mystery , doubt ... which eventually 'slow' down our performance and create a kind of friction and ultimately may lead to something close to what u can call .. FAILURE ! I neva was doubtful about anything during that period of my Life ... except ...except for may be one thing ...the thing that always caused a doubt ... thing about girls... I neva could know what is it in me or in a girl that made me inert... paralysed , loose my equlibrium , I neva had a girl friend then ... though I tried...well u can say I neva tried much ... why ???? don't know why ...may be I was not putting enough 'punch' into my trials... not putting enough interest and enthusaiasm and may be I neva could find the Ms. right ....ohhhhhhh, How Naive I was ... I was so naive to not know that there is no Ms. right ... Life is a compromise ... and everything in Life is a compromise ... perhaps I just was not old enough to realise that ...anyways I did come across few girls ...but they were like one time 'sparks' not the ever burning 'lamps' ... some I could not keep pace with and some I neva felt like they were 'fit' for me ... but as I look back the one thing I would regret about ...is not having a gf ... holy fuck ... I made a mistake then ...but then I always consoled my self ... ''if u need something u got to sacrifice another'' ...so there I was, earning awards , beating other guys in competitions , winning accolades, a pathetic assole ... who just always told himself that he always was a great guy and he could always be alone and happy... Nope ...I was wrong , perhaps I guess I knew it then itself that I was ... but may be I just hid it from 'myself' ... men sometimes try to 'escape' from the a reality and it s real worse when they try... 'cos they are damn bad at doing that ....ufffffff sorry guys but we are all same when it comes to few things ... and yea that does not make the girls out there any better... they too are the same , except that men cry to themsleves.. and girls cry to their bedroom walls or may be to the other girls ... as I ponder now ... I believe there are a lot many thingt I need to Equip Myself with... for one .. RESPOSIIBILITY ... am working for an mnc ... and I better be responsible and be a better professional than the others ... and two ... get mature ...more mature I mean ... think less and just work more... and last ... better get back to that 'kid' that I was ... that kid who always stood up when others just sat , that kid who always walked when others just stood , and that smart kid who ran when everyone else just walked ... that kid that I always loved to be ... and will ever be ... for someone out there ... I think I need some company ... some good sweet company ...u know what I mean ...now time for me to end the emotional talk lolllllllllllsssssssssssss ... sometimes ....just sometimes I am like this ... adios amigo !

To sit and relax is one thing ... To sit and ponder is another ... To sit and sit is something I seem to be doing all the time !!!!! I have a feeling am getting older and older and slower by time...fcukkkkk ! What s happening ... am I this slow , this laid - back , and this inert ! As I tend to look at the past 8 months or so, ( This is the Ninth Month in the company ) I think I have been miserably lucky to 'escape' the results of my inert and forgetful nature ! But as the say '' mistakes multiply and achievements ONLY add '' I am now facing the mistakes of my past negligence... and they seem ' heavier' than before... anyways that helps me reflect, reflect - like am doing now , reflect , recorrect and restructure my workings , I just hope this month helps me get better and be more a pro than an amateur ! Thats regards the work , as for personal life... I am still the same non - moving , inert, laid - back, unevolving kid growing up to be a MAN !Come to think of it ... I am sometimes feeling the same way I felt when in graduation - clueless ! Clueless about what I should be and what I need , perhaps am just thinking much more than I normally should ! Perhaps everyone faces this phase in Life, perhaps this just happens all the time ! I just don't know , what else to do ... and I guess I just don't know what else to type too !

anyways ... time changes things and helps better situations , Lets see ... am waiting though .... am waiting ...